If Candidates Were Consoles...

January 11, 2008
Game scribe Wagner James Au considers the top tier of Democratic presidential candidates and finds them rather like video game consoles:

Barack Obama, Au writes, is the Wii:
[Obama] was first dismissed by Washington insiders for not having enough power or third-party backers — but has gone on to draw immense popularity... Instantly appealing like the Wii, Obama is popular not because of his library of policies, but because he is changing the way the game is played.

Hillary Clinton? She's the Xbox 360:
Backed by the most money, seen as a reliable and established brand, Hillary appeals most to the Democractic base, much the same way the 360 is most popular with hardcore gamers. Transitioning from her husband’s Xbox era, she offers not revolutionary change but steady, reliable content.

John Edwards represents the PlayStation 3:
Formerly the Democratic frontrunner of the previous generation, Edwards now offers a greatly enhanced library of positions with far more ideological power — which few except Edwards’ die-hard fanboys seem to be buying.

GP: The Edwards-PS3 comparison has a special irony, given the 2006 mini-scandal surrounding an Edwards staffer's efforts to obtain a Launch Day PlayStation 3 for the candidate's family.
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Re: If Candidates Were Consoles...

 I look forward to Lovina's column each week.  It is so nice of her to share her family with others.  Lately I have been reading several of Wanda Brunstetter's books about the Amish and have enjoyed them so much.

The article, in 4chan /v/'s terms:

EDWARDS HAS NO GAMES

BARACK IS GIMMICKY

HILLARY HAS RED RING OF DEATH

I certainly wouldn't want to play with a Hillary's "360", Barack's Wii, or Edwards' big black box.

damn I find that insulting slightly, the 360 should not ever be in the same sentence as hillary clinton!

where's the pc?

and what does George Bush equate to, a Mac?

@C'tri

"and what does George Bush equate to, a Mac?"

Ha.. ha ha. No. George is Vista. Everyone's sick of the stupidity, bugginess, etc and would rather dump it and go back to the previous version. ;)
-- If your wiimote goes snicker-snack, check your wrist-strap...

Al Gore is like a Mac, methinks.

DarrelBT and Jabrwock, have a cookie :)

So who's the Linux? Ron Paul?

Ron Paul is the Atari Jaguar.

I like the irony of the 360 Clinton comparison myself, because it's so full of the "mindlessly violent" games she so objects to.

@EmeraldDragon

But much I think the 360's 3RLOD mirrors her campaign trail so well...XD

I think that I would go with Ron Paul for the Jaguar. They claimed to be the best console twenty years ago and are still trying to remain relevant.

Mitt Romney is the N-Gage. A fad that never took on.

I would say that John McCain is the PC. Reliable and ever present if not the most popular.

Any ideas for Huckabee, Thompson, and Guiliani?

Huckabee = GameCube?

So, burn on the PS3...

I guess whoever wrote this didn't hear that PS3 sales are growing rapidly. I don't like the implications that comparison has on our country... since the PS3 (but not John Edwards) will become the new favorite before the end of '08.

Additionally, I find the Hillary-360 comparison blasphemous, especially considering the fact that she would attempt to ban herself in this strange paralleliverse.

Also, I would never let Hillary into my house.

Mitt Romney is the Virtual Boy. Just looking at him causes intense pain and potential permanent physical damage.

as far as game consoles go, i'd say Hillary is a box some hobo crapped in.
sure you can reliably count on her to be full of shit, but that's about it.

A shot in the dark

Thompson=Dreamcast

He was popular in the beginning, coming from a long history in politics but his campain fizzled out and lost that popularity before the rest of the candidates' did.

Guiliani is the original Game Boy Advance.

He's not that bright (the first GBA had no backlight) and a lack of buttons limits his expressions (9/11)

360 reliable? I suppose if there wasn't the red rings of death and the X-Box live issues...

Kucinich is Linux, obviously.

Giuliani is the Phantom console. Under development since the start of 2002, and promising way more than he has any intention of delivering.

"# Pominator Says:

damn I find that insulting slightly, the 360 should not ever be in the same sentence as hillary clinton!"

Glad I'm not the only one. I enjoy the 360, and i loathe Hillary Clinton.

If Hillary is any console, she is a bad, cheaply made imitation of a real console, sold to fools who don't know any better and want a cheap toy. Just like she is a bad, cheaply sold, self serving, imitation of a real candidate, sold to fools who don't know any better and want to help enact the end times.

@Brad

I'm guessing Hillary is the Vii then ;) .

Obama = PS3 there both black, people hate them for very bad reasons and there getting more support very fast

Hilary = wii overated, and gimmicky

john mccain = xbox 360 embarrasing failure but people buy/vote for him anyway

"Hilary = wii overated, and gimmicky"

No! Hillary's a Vii!

We missing anyone?

Mike Huckabee is the N64 because his controller has a port on the underside where you can insert various expansions.

John Edwards is the Wii because if you let go he'll fly into your TV set.

Fred Thompson is the PS3 because he can play Blu-Ray discs.

Barack Obama is the SNES because he had a mouse early in his life.

Mitt Romney is Sega Genesis because he can play Sonic the Hedgehog.

Hillary Clinton is NeoGeo because... Ah, screw it.

Why does Hillary look like a Marionette in that picture?

with the Huckster's anti-science bent, i'd say he's just a rock (the really early (~6000 bc) console for the kids).

@ Jabrwock: loved the Vista joke :)

Hillary also is more emotional than the rest, like the Xbox 360's high instability and RRoD. I still like my Xbox 360.

Ron Paul would be like the Dreamcast. It dropped out a long time ago in the console generation it was competing in because it wasn't popular enough, but it still has a very loyal fanbase who say was the last bastion of true gaming.

@Brad

"If Hillary is any console, she is a bad, cheaply made imitation of a real console, sold to fools who don’t know any better and want a cheap toy. Just like she is a bad, cheaply sold, self serving, imitation of a real candidate, sold to fools who don’t know any better and want to help enact the end times."

...iPhone?

Giuliani should be the Virtual boy, being that his vocabulary (verb, none, 9/11) is just as limited as the selection of games available for it. Well, that, and, watching either of them for more than a few minutes at a time makes your head hurt..

destijlcat,

i have never had more than a minor malfunction on any of my systems.

i personally prefer games THAT ACUALLY WORK than the exploding ps3s.

twin-skies

so, Hilary would be a v-smile?

Hillary clinton would be a leapster, since she doesn't approve of any game that doesn't teach or isn't fit for children ages 5 and under. Also because she is clearly using one herself at her age and sucking at it as well.

-I am just annoyed by her, so I felt like insulting her. She can keep the RROD though.

doesn't the leapster - hilary realize that i want a game that lets me take a break from school. im learning social skills right now Hilary...

@Skylar and PeterWDawson
thank you for helping the world see that ps3 arnt crap and the sales and games are going up

back on topic if hillary is a 360 im never gonna buy one to save my life and if shes elected ill never get the chance nazi bitch

Mitt Romney would be a Atari 5200, out of date and nobody wants him.

Is it coincidence that as a mix of Sony and Nintendo fanboy (mostly Sony). That I've never liked Hillary. How about the fact that after watching one of the debates I switched to being an Edwards supporter over Obama (although I wouldn't mind either of them being in office).

@Paulrus

Ironically that almost perfectly defines the OTHER thompson we know and love.

Irony #2

Edwards and Obama suppoedly represent the candidate for change whilst Hillary represents the status quo.

The Xbox 360 had the least amount of new features vs. the last gen model.

@koku

1 wow im so proud for you, you must be the only one
2 sdid someone put tnt in a playatation or did you just make that up, oh yeah you made it up,

how droll

@Father Time

Nah, dude. If anything; he is the Phillips CD-i. He abuses his licenses to make confused ideologies of games.

If you need help on to figure out what goes on in his head, check out the enclosed instruction book.

@Twin Skies


Nope


The "Vii"

Look it up, im serious.

So... George Washington is... Pong?

The classic, everyone has a soft spot for it deep down inside, and it was the first step down a road to greatness. (A road that has recently gotten a bit bumpy, but that will clear out eventually)
So yes, Pong is George Washington.

@Unrated

Agreed.

Heh, here's something:

Lincoln could be Colecovision,

Nixon could be the Atari 2600, since his actions almost caused the American goverment to collapse.

With that, Gerald Ford is the NES, since he got people to trust the United States goverment again... right?

While we're making comparisons:

Ronald Reagan is the NES. (Began the revolution.)

Bill Clinton is the Sony Playstation. (Popular but with little worthwhile content in retrospect.)

Ross Perot is the Saturn.

Bob Dole was the N64.

George W. Bush is the Gamecube. (With Cheney, Rice, Rumsfeld, and Powell as its many peripheral devices.)

Howard Dean was the Dreamcast. (First out of the gate only to Crash and Burn)

John Kerry was the original X-Box.

Okay, I'll stop now.

...

I'd agree with the Hilary/360 comparison: Clinton probably has a 33% or greater failure rate.

John Edwards being a PS3 works well enough. He has the most power (money) but can't seem to get anywhere with it.

Obama isn't white enough to be a Wii.

What? Somebody had to say it!!....

I'll shut up now.

@destijlcat

hmm. either you are lying, neither of us know the truth or someone else is lying...
i just refuse to respect a company that at the last miniute attempted to copy the wii. ( the yaw-pich sencing in the controllers.) and even though its marketed like you need to do big movements to operate the wii, you dont. and im not saying that there arent any good games for ps3 ( im personally saddened that the next metal gear isn't coming out on a console i own.)
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