The Onion: Are Violent Games Adequately Preparing Kids For The Apocalypse?

February 26, 2009 -

Humor site The Onion asks whether violent games are doing enough to prepare our children for the coming Apocalypse.

Given the number of post-apocalyptic games, it may actually be a reasonable question...

Via: Kotaku


Comments

Re: The Onion: Are Violent Games Adequately Preparing Kids ...

You know what would really suck?  If the apocalypse came the day before "I Am Alive" is released.  Then we miss out on our apocalypse survival simulator because we're all dead.

 

"That's not ironic. That's justice."

"That's not ironic. That's justice."

Re: The Onion: Are Violent Games Adequately Preparing Kids ...

Obviously they're not. We need PRE-apocalyptic games for that.

"The apocalypse is coming. Will YOU be ready in time?"
---
I'm not under the affluence of incohol as some thinkle peep I am. I'm not half as thunk as you might drink. I fool so feelish I don't know who is me, and the drunker I stand here, the longer I get.


---
I'm not under the affluence of incohol as some thinkle peep I am. I'm not half as thunk as you might drink. I fool so feelish I don't know who is me, and the drunker I stand here, the longer I get.

Re: The Onion: Are Violent Games Adequately Preparing Kids For

If anything, I have a zombie plan.  Do you?

 

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Re: The Onion: Are Violent Games Adequately Preparing Kids ...

Get the neighbor who's a bowhunter, my best friend whose entire family hunts, and head to the National Guard base that's a half mile away and has tanks.  Use the vehicles to set up a perimeter until we can get a proper barricade, and have people head to get supplies in heavy vehicles as needed.  Also, I'm working on my shuriken skills and other Ninja stuff, so I think we'd make it out okay.

 

"That's not ironic. That's justice."

"That's not ironic. That's justice."

Re: The Onion: Are Violent Games Adequately Preparing Kids For

I am going to my vault and create an invincible league of super-mutants...

(Oh, crap...)

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Re: The Onion: Are Violent Games Adequately Preparing Kids ...

Anyone think Jack Thompson is going to take this news report seriously?

Like church members, once sent Scholastic an Onion article that said kids were converting to Satanism because of Harry Potter, not realizing it was a joke.

Re: The Onion: Are Violent Games Adequately Preparing Kids ...

Man, the people in Scholastic's offices must have had a good laugh at that.

Some will take literally anything they can get i nattempt's to ban what they find offenisve I guess.

Re: The Onion: Are Violent Games Adequately Preparing Kids ...

I'm already saving up bottle caps so I have spending money in the future.

Re: The Onion: Are Violent Games Adequately Preparing Kids ...

I agree with this video, more needs to be done in order to prepare for the Apocalypse. I wonder how we will ever survive if kids can not learn how to make a shelter out of cars...

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Re: The Onion: Are Violent Games Adequately Preparing Kids ...

I know that I could find gold inside monster bodys.

Re: The Onion: Are Violent Games Adequately Preparing Kids ...

This is fantastic!! I say whatever contributes to society and our future is king in my books. Desensitize the children. Desensitize the future. I say Wiis for all. The we can live in a happy fit world. Isn't that a lovely thought? Nintendo brings love, but are we doomed for the future? Shooters forever. Seriously though, perhaps this argument about the apocalypse and our kids, perhaps the next gen games will. Imagine how great and realistic the environments will look on our hi def tvs. Good or bad? Depends if you are a supporter of desensitizing our future...

My sites Dora The Explorer & Tel Domain & GTA 5 cheats?

Re: The Onion: Are Violent Games Adequately Preparing Kids ...

Haha...if we go along with the arguments that video games teaches kids to become so-called "cop killers" and stuff, then definately, games would teach you to prepare for the apocalypse. Especially fallout 3.

Re: The Onion: Are Violent Games Adequately Preparing Kids For

To be serious, does anyone genuenly learn stuff from video games? Like I belive that this generation will either be the worst or best soilders in the world, or the best and worst drivers of the world. From games I learned how to aim a firearm, why you should hold your breath while shooting long ranges, why you should implement covering fire, why cover, manever, and flanking are all important docterines. At the same time with driving games, you learn how to counter-steer, drift, E-brake, and so forth. At the same time, an inconsequencial world might provoke actions that are "risky" for some.

That video wasn't as good as the other works The Onion has done like the Mac Wheel.

Re: The Onion: Are Violent Games Adequately Preparing Kids ...

The first time I ever drove in snow, I hit a bad patch of ice during a turn and my car started to spin, but my gaming training took over and I was immediately able to get the car back under control. I've heard of this being a fairly common situation with gamers.

Re: The Onion: Are Violent Games Adequately Preparing Kids For

The breath holding thing is applied incorrectly most of the time.

Re: The Onion: Are Violent Games Adequately Preparing Kids ...

"At the same time with driving games, you learn how to counter-steer, drift, E-brake, and so forth."

Yeah unfortunately, cause to this day I still pop in NFS: CARBON on occasion and tear up the drift events... there's one course in particular I almost broke 500,000pts on, even though I probably couldn't do it in real life :(

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Re: The Onion: Are Violent Games Adequately Preparing Kids ...

Aparently they aren't teaching us basic spelling and sentence structure...

Anyway, The Onion is great, that was funny.

Re: The Onion: Are Violent Games Adequately Preparing Kids ...

Have fun reading Zippy's responses in the future then. XD

Edit: It just came to me that I don't think people saying "KK LOLZ" on WoW is helping "traditional" grammer and sentence structuring.

Re: The Onion: Are Violent Games Adequately Preparing Kids ...

I know a kid who plays wow a lot and has that grammar issue, though more or less the issue of capital letters and punctuation.

Of course, my response is that he can be very much an idiot since right now I am, to the the best of my ability, using those said things.

Re: The Onion: Are Violent Games Adequately Preparing Kids ...

We shouldn't have to worry about grammar since we won't need it when the world goes to hell. =P

Re: The Onion: Are Violent Games Adequately Preparing Kids ...

Lol, touche.

Re: The Onion: Are Violent Games Adequately Preparing Kids ...

You won't be laughing when poor grammar causes the apocalypse.

 

"That's not ironic. That's justice."

"That's not ironic. That's justice."

Re: The Onion: Are Violent Games Adequately Preparing Kids For

Of course they are! Afterall according to some, Games actually train your mind to do these tasks! So I now know that if the world goes to shit, I need to stockpile a couple flats of Coca-Cola...have a mountain of bottle caps, and get a shotgun and bolt action rifle! Oh and stay away from radioactive waste, it may turn you into a ghoul.

Re: The Onion: Are Violent Games Adequately Preparing Kids ...

Just tune in and listen to three-dog and you'll be fine.

Re: The Onion: Are Violent Games Adequately Preparing Kids ...

"Don't feed the Yao Gui! That is all."

Re: The Onion: Are Violent Games Adequately Preparing Kids For

Of course not, they don't teach skills like baricading a building, finding water sources, and  conserving ammo.

Re: The Onion: Are Violent Games Adequately Preparing Kids For

Fallout 3, COD5 zombie mode

"Go ahead and hate your neighbor, go ahead and cheat a friend. Do it in the name of Heaven, Jack Thompson'll justify it in the end." - nightwng2000

"Go ahead and hate your neighbor, go ahead and cheat a friend. Do it in the name of Heaven, Jack Thompson'll justify it in the end." - nightwng2000

Re: The Onion: Are Violent Games Adequately Preparing Kids For

Someone hasn't been playing Resident Evil!

Re: The Onion: Are Violent Games Adequately Preparing Kids For

Resident evil isn't post apocalyptic.

 

Not yet atleast

Re: The Onion: Are Violent Games Adequately Preparing Kids For

Close enough though.

 
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Thomas RiordanNo, certainly not. Anything to prevent that kinda crap.09/01/2014 - 8:18am
SleakerAlthough.. I don't think it hurts anyone if kids think the report is true :P09/01/2014 - 3:26am
Sleakerand just for future reference. National Reports is a fake news site, they decided to remove their disclaimers a while back apparently...09/01/2014 - 3:25am
Thomas RiordanDon't feel bad. I posted the same thing last night and deleted it once I realized it wasn't real.08/31/2014 - 11:13pm
E. Zachary KnightAh. The report actually read serious to me. Oh well. At least it didn't happen.08/31/2014 - 7:46pm
ConsterAlthough apparently someone who was in a swatting ring in Texas took a plea for up to 5 years in July.08/31/2014 - 7:14pm
ConsterProbably because it's a satire site.08/31/2014 - 7:13pm
E. Zachary KnightI agree that the kid should be punished, but the charge and sentence seem a bit overboard to me. http://nationalreport.net/15-year-old-swatted-domestic-terrorism/08/31/2014 - 6:56pm
Andrew EisenI get a "page doesn't exist."08/31/2014 - 11:50am
MaskedPixelantehttps://twitter.com/Nevelets/status/506076879309508608 What we're currently supposed to be offended by, or whatever.08/31/2014 - 10:10am
MechaTama31AE: Probably snarky commentary on this: http://www.gamepolitics.com/2014/08/29/principle-player-leland-yee-arms-trading-case-dies08/30/2014 - 8:43pm
Andrew EisenConster - Don't know. Got a link to whatever you're referring to?08/30/2014 - 7:04pm
ConsterWait, what's this about Leland Yee eliminating witnesses?08/30/2014 - 5:50pm
IanCBroke my EA boycott to pick up Plants vs Zombies Garden Warfare. Loving it. Still hate EA though. But i like Popcap. Gah.08/30/2014 - 6:01am
MaskedPixelantehttp://m.tickld.com/x/something-you-never-realized-about-guardians-of-the-galaxy Right in the feels.08/29/2014 - 6:56pm
AvalongodAgain I think we're conflating the issue of whether Sarkeesian's claims are beyond critique (no they're not) and whether its ever appropriate to use sexist language, let alone physical threats on a woman to intimidate her (no it isn't)08/29/2014 - 5:04pm
prh99Trolling her or trying to assail her integrity just draws more attention (Streisand effect?). Which is really not what the trolls want, so the only way to win (if there is a win to be had) is not to play/troll.08/29/2014 - 5:02pm
prh99Who cares, just don't watch the damn videos if you don't like her. Personally, I don't care as far as she is concerned as long there are interesting games to be played.08/29/2014 - 4:34pm
Andrew EisenZip - And yet, you can't cite a single, solitary example. (And no one said you hated anyone. Along those lines, no one claimed Sarkeesian was perfect either.)08/29/2014 - 3:51pm
Andrew EisenSaint's Row: Gat Out of Hell was just announced for PC, PS3, PS4, Xbox 360 and Xbox One making it the 150th game For Everything But Wii U! Congratulations Deep Silver!08/29/2014 - 3:49pm
 

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