The Onion: Are Violent Games Adequately Preparing Kids For The Apocalypse?

February 26, 2009 -

Humor site The Onion asks whether violent games are doing enough to prepare our children for the coming Apocalypse.

Given the number of post-apocalyptic games, it may actually be a reasonable question...

Via: Kotaku


Comments

Re: The Onion: Are Violent Games Adequately Preparing Kids ...

You know what would really suck?  If the apocalypse came the day before "I Am Alive" is released.  Then we miss out on our apocalypse survival simulator because we're all dead.

 

"That's not ironic. That's justice."

"That's not ironic. That's justice."

Re: The Onion: Are Violent Games Adequately Preparing Kids ...

Obviously they're not. We need PRE-apocalyptic games for that.

"The apocalypse is coming. Will YOU be ready in time?"
---
I'm not under the affluence of incohol as some thinkle peep I am. I'm not half as thunk as you might drink. I fool so feelish I don't know who is me, and the drunker I stand here, the longer I get.


---
I'm not under the affluence of incohol as some thinkle peep I am. I'm not half as thunk as you might drink. I fool so feelish I don't know who is me, and the drunker I stand here, the longer I get.

Re: The Onion: Are Violent Games Adequately Preparing Kids For

If anything, I have a zombie plan.  Do you?

 

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Re: The Onion: Are Violent Games Adequately Preparing Kids ...

Get the neighbor who's a bowhunter, my best friend whose entire family hunts, and head to the National Guard base that's a half mile away and has tanks.  Use the vehicles to set up a perimeter until we can get a proper barricade, and have people head to get supplies in heavy vehicles as needed.  Also, I'm working on my shuriken skills and other Ninja stuff, so I think we'd make it out okay.

 

"That's not ironic. That's justice."

"That's not ironic. That's justice."

Re: The Onion: Are Violent Games Adequately Preparing Kids For

I am going to my vault and create an invincible league of super-mutants...

(Oh, crap...)

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Re: The Onion: Are Violent Games Adequately Preparing Kids ...

Anyone think Jack Thompson is going to take this news report seriously?

Like church members, once sent Scholastic an Onion article that said kids were converting to Satanism because of Harry Potter, not realizing it was a joke.

Re: The Onion: Are Violent Games Adequately Preparing Kids ...

Man, the people in Scholastic's offices must have had a good laugh at that.

Some will take literally anything they can get i nattempt's to ban what they find offenisve I guess.

Re: The Onion: Are Violent Games Adequately Preparing Kids ...

I'm already saving up bottle caps so I have spending money in the future.

Re: The Onion: Are Violent Games Adequately Preparing Kids ...

I agree with this video, more needs to be done in order to prepare for the Apocalypse. I wonder how we will ever survive if kids can not learn how to make a shelter out of cars...

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Re: The Onion: Are Violent Games Adequately Preparing Kids ...

I know that I could find gold inside monster bodys.

Re: The Onion: Are Violent Games Adequately Preparing Kids ...

This is fantastic!! I say whatever contributes to society and our future is king in my books. Desensitize the children. Desensitize the future. I say Wiis for all. The we can live in a happy fit world. Isn't that a lovely thought? Nintendo brings love, but are we doomed for the future? Shooters forever. Seriously though, perhaps this argument about the apocalypse and our kids, perhaps the next gen games will. Imagine how great and realistic the environments will look on our hi def tvs. Good or bad? Depends if you are a supporter of desensitizing our future...

My sites Dora The Explorer & Tel Domain & GTA 5 cheats?

Re: The Onion: Are Violent Games Adequately Preparing Kids ...

Haha...if we go along with the arguments that video games teaches kids to become so-called "cop killers" and stuff, then definately, games would teach you to prepare for the apocalypse. Especially fallout 3.

Re: The Onion: Are Violent Games Adequately Preparing Kids For

To be serious, does anyone genuenly learn stuff from video games? Like I belive that this generation will either be the worst or best soilders in the world, or the best and worst drivers of the world. From games I learned how to aim a firearm, why you should hold your breath while shooting long ranges, why you should implement covering fire, why cover, manever, and flanking are all important docterines. At the same time with driving games, you learn how to counter-steer, drift, E-brake, and so forth. At the same time, an inconsequencial world might provoke actions that are "risky" for some.

That video wasn't as good as the other works The Onion has done like the Mac Wheel.

Re: The Onion: Are Violent Games Adequately Preparing Kids ...

The first time I ever drove in snow, I hit a bad patch of ice during a turn and my car started to spin, but my gaming training took over and I was immediately able to get the car back under control. I've heard of this being a fairly common situation with gamers.

Re: The Onion: Are Violent Games Adequately Preparing Kids For

The breath holding thing is applied incorrectly most of the time.

Re: The Onion: Are Violent Games Adequately Preparing Kids ...

"At the same time with driving games, you learn how to counter-steer, drift, E-brake, and so forth."

Yeah unfortunately, cause to this day I still pop in NFS: CARBON on occasion and tear up the drift events... there's one course in particular I almost broke 500,000pts on, even though I probably couldn't do it in real life :(

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Re: The Onion: Are Violent Games Adequately Preparing Kids ...

Aparently they aren't teaching us basic spelling and sentence structure...

Anyway, The Onion is great, that was funny.

Re: The Onion: Are Violent Games Adequately Preparing Kids ...

Have fun reading Zippy's responses in the future then. XD

Edit: It just came to me that I don't think people saying "KK LOLZ" on WoW is helping "traditional" grammer and sentence structuring.

Re: The Onion: Are Violent Games Adequately Preparing Kids ...

I know a kid who plays wow a lot and has that grammar issue, though more or less the issue of capital letters and punctuation.

Of course, my response is that he can be very much an idiot since right now I am, to the the best of my ability, using those said things.

Re: The Onion: Are Violent Games Adequately Preparing Kids ...

We shouldn't have to worry about grammar since we won't need it when the world goes to hell. =P

Re: The Onion: Are Violent Games Adequately Preparing Kids ...

Lol, touche.

Re: The Onion: Are Violent Games Adequately Preparing Kids ...

You won't be laughing when poor grammar causes the apocalypse.

 

"That's not ironic. That's justice."

"That's not ironic. That's justice."

Re: The Onion: Are Violent Games Adequately Preparing Kids For

Of course they are! Afterall according to some, Games actually train your mind to do these tasks! So I now know that if the world goes to shit, I need to stockpile a couple flats of Coca-Cola...have a mountain of bottle caps, and get a shotgun and bolt action rifle! Oh and stay away from radioactive waste, it may turn you into a ghoul.

Re: The Onion: Are Violent Games Adequately Preparing Kids ...

Just tune in and listen to three-dog and you'll be fine.

Re: The Onion: Are Violent Games Adequately Preparing Kids ...

"Don't feed the Yao Gui! That is all."

Re: The Onion: Are Violent Games Adequately Preparing Kids For

Of course not, they don't teach skills like baricading a building, finding water sources, and  conserving ammo.

Re: The Onion: Are Violent Games Adequately Preparing Kids For

Fallout 3, COD5 zombie mode

"Go ahead and hate your neighbor, go ahead and cheat a friend. Do it in the name of Heaven, Jack Thompson'll justify it in the end." - nightwng2000

"Go ahead and hate your neighbor, go ahead and cheat a friend. Do it in the name of Heaven, Jack Thompson'll justify it in the end." - nightwng2000

Re: The Onion: Are Violent Games Adequately Preparing Kids For

Someone hasn't been playing Resident Evil!

Re: The Onion: Are Violent Games Adequately Preparing Kids For

Resident evil isn't post apocalyptic.

 

Not yet atleast

Re: The Onion: Are Violent Games Adequately Preparing Kids For

Close enough though.

 
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Andrew EisenKrono - Many of the people pushing gender issues aren't nice people? I'm sure not everyone's a sweatheart but so far, everyone I've seen with such a critique had absolutely nothing to back them up.09/19/2014 - 10:46am
InfophileI think there's a qualitative difference between a site and a hashtag though. GP can ban anyone from commenting, so they can have the image they want. But anyone can use any hashtag and try to poison it. Granted, that hasn't happened to the other one yet09/19/2014 - 10:13am
E. Zachary KnightKrono, your comparison to GP does not work. We do not need to get rid of GP, because no one associates GP with trolls and abuse. The same can't be said for gamergate.09/19/2014 - 10:09am
Krono@Michael You don't remember the "other hashtag" because no one actually uses it. We're talking 836,983 uses of #gamergate over it's lifetime, and 8,119 for the "alternative". 47,129 uses on the 18th vs 41. With #notyourshield at 140,133 uses & 5,209 uses09/19/2014 - 9:48am
Kronoresearch it. Changing tags to get away from trolls would be like wiping GamePolitics and restarting under a new name to get away from people calling Jack Thompson a filthy names in the comments section.09/19/2014 - 9:35am
Sleaker@quiknkold - seems like all that page is is a bunch of random developer opinions and rumors that we're supposedto do what with?09/19/2014 - 9:31am
Kronoas an opportunity to push back against them. It's one of the things muddling the issue. @conster A new hashtag would do nothing to improve anything. Trolls will simply follow to the new hashtag, and it will confuse the issue for anyone attempting to09/19/2014 - 9:25am
Krono@Andrew aaah. Yes, I'm sure there's some of that. Part of the problem is many of the people pushing gender issues are not very nice people. Basically the latest incarnation of moralists we've seen in the past couple decades. Naturually some will take this09/19/2014 - 9:23am
quiknkoldhttp://www.nichegamer.net/2014/09/real-gamedevs-sound-off-regarding-the-gamergate-controversy/09/19/2014 - 8:35am
MaskedPixelanteMeanwhile, in news that actually DOES matter, Scotland voted "NO" to Scottish independance.09/19/2014 - 8:20am
ConsterSeriously? "We shouldn't make a new hashtag - it's better to associate ourselves with psychos than to decrease our visibility"?09/19/2014 - 7:54am
Michael ChandraI forget what it is exactly, but there already is another hashtag that some use, exactly to separate themselves from the abusive behaviour. So don't bother lying to me.09/19/2014 - 7:06am
quiknkold2 to 3 or more09/19/2014 - 6:53am
quiknkoldMichael Chandra : I'll say this. The only reason they havent used another hashtag is because it would look like a form of dividing the arguement. Using another Hashtag has come up, and they feel like if they made a new hashtag, it'll split the debate from09/19/2014 - 6:53am
Michael ChandraYou want a debate? Build a wall between you and the poisoned well. Make clear you despise it, despise the behaviour. Then get into the other issues you are troubled with, and don't say a single word again about the poisoned well.09/19/2014 - 3:46am
Michael ChandraAnd someone claiming #notyourshield was to be taken serious, when chatlogs show they wanted it going to hide even more harassment behind? Yeah, not buying a word you're saying. You poisoned your own well.09/19/2014 - 3:45am
Michael Chandraallegedly fired over giving a game a mediocre review and the company threatened to pull ads? Sorry but I ain't buying this.09/19/2014 - 3:45am
Michael ChandraBut people arguing this is horrible and just about ethics, even though there's very little support that journalistic integrity was actually violated here, while they never spoke up when a journalist was09/19/2014 - 3:43am
Michael ChandraIf people start with condemning the way GamersGate was used as a misdirection, then use a better hashtag, that would work in convincing me they mean it.09/19/2014 - 3:43am
Andrew EisenOoo, this one came down to the wire! https://www.kickstarter.com/projects/749082525/nefarious09/19/2014 - 1:03am
 

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