The Onion: Are Violent Games Adequately Preparing Kids For The Apocalypse?

February 26, 2009 -

Humor site The Onion asks whether violent games are doing enough to prepare our children for the coming Apocalypse.

Given the number of post-apocalyptic games, it may actually be a reasonable question...

Via: Kotaku


Comments

Re: The Onion: Are Violent Games Adequately Preparing Kids ...

You know what would really suck?  If the apocalypse came the day before "I Am Alive" is released.  Then we miss out on our apocalypse survival simulator because we're all dead.

 

"That's not ironic. That's justice."

"That's not ironic. That's justice."

Re: The Onion: Are Violent Games Adequately Preparing Kids ...

Obviously they're not. We need PRE-apocalyptic games for that.

"The apocalypse is coming. Will YOU be ready in time?"
---
I'm not under the affluence of incohol as some thinkle peep I am. I'm not half as thunk as you might drink. I fool so feelish I don't know who is me, and the drunker I stand here, the longer I get.


---
I'm not under the affluence of incohol as some thinkle peep I am. I'm not half as thunk as you might drink. I fool so feelish I don't know who is me, and the drunker I stand here, the longer I get.

Re: The Onion: Are Violent Games Adequately Preparing Kids For

If anything, I have a zombie plan.  Do you?

 

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Re: The Onion: Are Violent Games Adequately Preparing Kids ...

Get the neighbor who's a bowhunter, my best friend whose entire family hunts, and head to the National Guard base that's a half mile away and has tanks.  Use the vehicles to set up a perimeter until we can get a proper barricade, and have people head to get supplies in heavy vehicles as needed.  Also, I'm working on my shuriken skills and other Ninja stuff, so I think we'd make it out okay.

 

"That's not ironic. That's justice."

"That's not ironic. That's justice."

Re: The Onion: Are Violent Games Adequately Preparing Kids For

I am going to my vault and create an invincible league of super-mutants...

(Oh, crap...)

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Re: The Onion: Are Violent Games Adequately Preparing Kids ...

Anyone think Jack Thompson is going to take this news report seriously?

Like church members, once sent Scholastic an Onion article that said kids were converting to Satanism because of Harry Potter, not realizing it was a joke.

Re: The Onion: Are Violent Games Adequately Preparing Kids ...

Man, the people in Scholastic's offices must have had a good laugh at that.

Some will take literally anything they can get i nattempt's to ban what they find offenisve I guess.

Re: The Onion: Are Violent Games Adequately Preparing Kids ...

I'm already saving up bottle caps so I have spending money in the future.

Re: The Onion: Are Violent Games Adequately Preparing Kids ...

I agree with this video, more needs to be done in order to prepare for the Apocalypse. I wonder how we will ever survive if kids can not learn how to make a shelter out of cars...

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Re: The Onion: Are Violent Games Adequately Preparing Kids ...

I know that I could find gold inside monster bodys.

Re: The Onion: Are Violent Games Adequately Preparing Kids ...

This is fantastic!! I say whatever contributes to society and our future is king in my books. Desensitize the children. Desensitize the future. I say Wiis for all. The we can live in a happy fit world. Isn't that a lovely thought? Nintendo brings love, but are we doomed for the future? Shooters forever. Seriously though, perhaps this argument about the apocalypse and our kids, perhaps the next gen games will. Imagine how great and realistic the environments will look on our hi def tvs. Good or bad? Depends if you are a supporter of desensitizing our future...

My sites Dora The Explorer & Tel Domain & GTA 5 cheats?

Re: The Onion: Are Violent Games Adequately Preparing Kids ...

Haha...if we go along with the arguments that video games teaches kids to become so-called "cop killers" and stuff, then definately, games would teach you to prepare for the apocalypse. Especially fallout 3.

Re: The Onion: Are Violent Games Adequately Preparing Kids For

To be serious, does anyone genuenly learn stuff from video games? Like I belive that this generation will either be the worst or best soilders in the world, or the best and worst drivers of the world. From games I learned how to aim a firearm, why you should hold your breath while shooting long ranges, why you should implement covering fire, why cover, manever, and flanking are all important docterines. At the same time with driving games, you learn how to counter-steer, drift, E-brake, and so forth. At the same time, an inconsequencial world might provoke actions that are "risky" for some.

That video wasn't as good as the other works The Onion has done like the Mac Wheel.

Re: The Onion: Are Violent Games Adequately Preparing Kids ...

The first time I ever drove in snow, I hit a bad patch of ice during a turn and my car started to spin, but my gaming training took over and I was immediately able to get the car back under control. I've heard of this being a fairly common situation with gamers.

Re: The Onion: Are Violent Games Adequately Preparing Kids For

The breath holding thing is applied incorrectly most of the time.

Re: The Onion: Are Violent Games Adequately Preparing Kids ...

"At the same time with driving games, you learn how to counter-steer, drift, E-brake, and so forth."

Yeah unfortunately, cause to this day I still pop in NFS: CARBON on occasion and tear up the drift events... there's one course in particular I almost broke 500,000pts on, even though I probably couldn't do it in real life :(

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Re: The Onion: Are Violent Games Adequately Preparing Kids ...

Aparently they aren't teaching us basic spelling and sentence structure...

Anyway, The Onion is great, that was funny.

Re: The Onion: Are Violent Games Adequately Preparing Kids ...

Have fun reading Zippy's responses in the future then. XD

Edit: It just came to me that I don't think people saying "KK LOLZ" on WoW is helping "traditional" grammer and sentence structuring.

Re: The Onion: Are Violent Games Adequately Preparing Kids ...

I know a kid who plays wow a lot and has that grammar issue, though more or less the issue of capital letters and punctuation.

Of course, my response is that he can be very much an idiot since right now I am, to the the best of my ability, using those said things.

Re: The Onion: Are Violent Games Adequately Preparing Kids ...

We shouldn't have to worry about grammar since we won't need it when the world goes to hell. =P

Re: The Onion: Are Violent Games Adequately Preparing Kids ...

Lol, touche.

Re: The Onion: Are Violent Games Adequately Preparing Kids ...

You won't be laughing when poor grammar causes the apocalypse.

 

"That's not ironic. That's justice."

"That's not ironic. That's justice."

Re: The Onion: Are Violent Games Adequately Preparing Kids For

Of course they are! Afterall according to some, Games actually train your mind to do these tasks! So I now know that if the world goes to shit, I need to stockpile a couple flats of Coca-Cola...have a mountain of bottle caps, and get a shotgun and bolt action rifle! Oh and stay away from radioactive waste, it may turn you into a ghoul.

Re: The Onion: Are Violent Games Adequately Preparing Kids ...

Just tune in and listen to three-dog and you'll be fine.

Re: The Onion: Are Violent Games Adequately Preparing Kids ...

"Don't feed the Yao Gui! That is all."

Re: The Onion: Are Violent Games Adequately Preparing Kids For

Of course not, they don't teach skills like baricading a building, finding water sources, and  conserving ammo.

Re: The Onion: Are Violent Games Adequately Preparing Kids For

Fallout 3, COD5 zombie mode

"Go ahead and hate your neighbor, go ahead and cheat a friend. Do it in the name of Heaven, Jack Thompson'll justify it in the end." - nightwng2000

"Go ahead and hate your neighbor, go ahead and cheat a friend. Do it in the name of Heaven, Jack Thompson'll justify it in the end." - nightwng2000

Re: The Onion: Are Violent Games Adequately Preparing Kids For

Someone hasn't been playing Resident Evil!

Re: The Onion: Are Violent Games Adequately Preparing Kids For

Resident evil isn't post apocalyptic.

 

Not yet atleast

Re: The Onion: Are Violent Games Adequately Preparing Kids For

Close enough though.

 
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SeanBJust goes to show what I have said for years. Your ability to have sex does not qualify you for parenthood.04/15/2014 - 9:21pm
NeenekoSo "worked" vs "failed" really comes down to who you think is more important and deserving04/15/2014 - 7:04pm
NeenekoThough I am also not sure we can say NYC failed. Rent control helped the people it was intended for and is considered a failure by the people it was designed to protect them from.04/15/2014 - 7:04pm
NeenekoIf they change the rules, demand will plummet. Though yeah, rent control probably would not help much in the SF case. I doubt anything will.04/15/2014 - 1:35pm
TheSmokeyOnline gamer accused of murdering son to keep playing - http://cnews.canoe.ca/CNEWS/Crime/2014/04/15/21604921.html04/15/2014 - 11:50am
Matthew Wilsonyup, but curent city rules do not allow for that.04/15/2014 - 11:00am
ZippyDSMleeIf SF dose not start building upwards then they will price people out of the aera.04/15/2014 - 10:59am
Matthew Wilsonthe issue rent control has it reduces supply, and in SF case they already has a supply problem. rent control ofen puts rent below cost, or below profit of selling it. rent control would not fix this issue.04/15/2014 - 10:56am
NeenekoRent control is useful in moderation, NYC took it way to far and tends to be held up as an example of them not working, but in most cases they are more subtle and positive.04/15/2014 - 10:24am
PHX CorpBeating Cancer with Video Games http://mashable.com/2014/04/14/steven-gonzalez-survivor-games/04/15/2014 - 9:21am
Matthew Wilsonwhat are you saying SF should do rent control, that has never worked every time it has been tried. the issue here is a self inflicted supply problem imposed by stupid laws.04/15/2014 - 8:52am
E. Zachary KnightNeeneko, Government created price controls don't work though. They may keep prices down for the current inhabitants, but they are the primary cause of recently vacated residences having astronomical costs. Look at New York City as a prime example.04/15/2014 - 8:50am
NeenekoI think free markets are important, but believe in balance. Too much of any force and things get unstable.04/15/2014 - 7:25am
NeenekoWell, the traditional way of keeping prices down is what they are doing, controls on lease termination and tax code, but it will not be enough in this case.04/15/2014 - 7:24am
Matthew WilsonI said that already04/14/2014 - 4:22pm
E. Zachary KnightMatthew, The could also lower prices by increasing supply. Allow high rise apartment buildings to be built to fulfill demand and prices will drop.04/14/2014 - 3:48pm
Matthew Wilsonthe only way they could keep the price's down, would be to kick out google, apple, amazon, and other tech companies, but that would do a ton of economic damage to SF, but I am a major proponent of free markets04/14/2014 - 2:54pm
NeenekoThe community people are seeking gets destroyed in the process, and the new people are not able to build on themselves. Generally these situations result in local cultural death in a decade or so, and no one wins.04/14/2014 - 2:09pm
NeenekoWell yes, that is the 'free market', but the market is only a small piece of a much larger system. The market does not always do the constructive thing.04/14/2014 - 2:06pm
Matthew WilsonWell that is the free market... they learned a valuable lesson restricting supply will drive up prices.04/14/2014 - 1:57pm
 

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